Feedback from Dan

Guys, some of this feedback may be personal to yourselves as actors while some of it will be directorial issues for Steven: please sift through as appropriate!

Baggage

G - "Nostradamus?" More that you don't understand his relevance, not that you don't know who he is.

G - why ask time with a phone in your hand?

G - "well why don't you TELL him?" not "well why don't YOU tell him?"

B - business with sniffing the grapes? Unsure about the relevance of this.

R - wait for Blade to nearly be out the door before asking for a coffee.

B&R - when discussing going to the bistro without G, have the discussion with B SL of R so that R's lines don't appear directed towards G.

R - let "fucking thing!" sort of cut into B's "how?": this will give you a reason to not answer him.

R - your dismissiveness of your mother is too much at the moment: you're coming across as hating her when in fact the reasoning behind your apparent indifference towards her is that you don't know how to cope with her illness. We need to see this inner conflict otherwise your sudden outburst comes out of nowhere and doesn't make sense.

G - your vocal quality stays more or less the same throughout: we need to see a difference between the way you speak to B, your mother and especially your argument with.

G - "we don't have to, they're letting us stay." This is a big line, a euphemism for the fact that your mother is probably going to die that night.

Millennium

George - "I'm only joking!" let this be a reaction to Gwen's reaction: your character believed in his poem and is genuinely gutted that Gwen doesn't like it. A brief pause before the line will convey this.

S - watch your diction in the 'horse-fucking' bit: the pace is good and energetic but we still need to hear every word.

George - "the deeper they are, the less noise we make..." Don't trail off unsure: your character has the conviction that everything he says is profound.

Gwen - "what?" This line isn't making sense at the moment, I think because your character might in fact agree with George's summation of the situation. Play around with it, try saying it in different ways until it feels right.

Coming Up

S - your initial distress at A's arrival is too obvious: it's not believable that you're trying to hide it nor that he wouldn't see straight through you immediately! Try and show more subtlety in these opening exchanges: perhaps more physical agitation than vocal?

A - more stroppy that S won't lend you £20. "I'm gonna look like a dick!": think Harry Enfield in Kevin & Perry sketches.

S - again, more subtlety is required when convincing A that you and Y work together: your behaviour is far too affected at the moment.

Y - need you sit in so camp a fashion? It's a bit obvious.

S - when A asks where Ben is, we need to see you cack yourself (figuratively speaking): you realise you've been rumbled! More devastation as well when he outs you: this is a huge moment in your life!

Every Bit of my Love

Y - wear a scarf and pretentiously fling it over your shoulder periodically.

R - "and go by my real name [PAUSE FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT] Ian Mead."

Y - "I've never seen anything like it": your phallic gesture is too obvious, just let the audience imagine what you're referring to instead!

R - "tools?" Less concerned, more curious: nothing much can shock your character as he's done it all before!

Y- "until you and the Machine..." Again, let the audience guess what acts you're referring to rather than spell it out with physical gesture.

Y - your accent you put on to say the end line of your script is causing us to lose a lot of the words! Be aware of this.

K - be more blasé with your entrance, it's all just standard for you: you've effectively just been called into work for an extra shift.

Note - Sam is referred to as 'he' but is voiced by Paige! A male voice would be more appropriate.

K - we want to see a clear distinction between Tracy's real personality with R and the affected 'luvvie' who smarms up to Y.

Y - when on phone to Twinkle Star, be speaking in your character's affectedly 'luvvie' voice: you're genuinely excited by her imminent arrival!

P - "is that all you've got?" More faux-dramatic.

K - walk in on the two others and make it clear that you're aware of who P is: that way, the line about her doing your make-up can come across as even more bitchy.

P - the gesture that accompanies "Twinkle Star" doesn't sit well with the shy, retiring character you've created. Maybe cut it?

Monologue

We're not seeing the dark undertones early enough. You've already been caught and are trying to explain what happened: the smiling little girl talking about Cinderella doesn't sit well with what's coming. The levity is okay but needs to come from the girl's nervousness and fear rather than recollection of fond memories. It's a subtle difference but one that is necessary to implement for the piece to work as a whole. You can really play with the language, make the audience feel uncomfortable throughout as they piece together the fact that something rather unsavoury has occurred.

We need a reason for this to be spoken by two people: the difference between Sam and Sophie has been lost a little so you need to rediscover this.

Dark Matter

A - what are you doing while P is on the phone? Maybe you could walk in at the end of her conversation.

A - "I, I, I, I": too many 'I's in the opening exchanges!

P - make a decision as to precisely when you realise that something is seriously up with A: your character may discover the severity of this in stages throughout the piece.

A - "at this point in history..." Don't stand up then sit back down just ten seconds later: it makes the audience think that you as an actor haven't made a clear decision! Let your character's increasing agitation surface in other ways, physically or vocally.

A - longer pause before "should I start?" This will telegraph the fact that you're starting because P struggles with the exercise.

A - "this is stupid!" Where are you walking to and to do what?

P - more playful with lines such as "you should be [a sex offender] because you look like one" and the 'hunter/stalker' exchanges.

A - more hatred I'm your eyes when P pushes back into you.

P - when A says "not strong enough, am I" perhaps you become genuinely scared for the first time?